It's What You Feel...
I had a pretty consistent gratitude journal for about 2 years. Today I stored it away with my other past journals, ready to be cracked open and devoured like my favorite book when I’m about 80. There were plenty of blank pages left to be grateful but here’s a shortened version of why I’m letting the practice go for now…
When I first started I wanted to fill it from cover to cover with the sweetness of my life.
I would open it up, think about what good things had happened TO me that day or how I blessed I was for xyz in my life and would write it down. (Yay life!)
Then slowly it started to shift into writing down the insights I was having during the day, thanking the Universe for sending me these intuitive gifts. (Good things happening IN me… even better!)
Eventually I started incorporating the events that weren’t happy and good, knowing that as a spiritual student I should be grateful for all growth. I would think to myself, be thankful you’re growing. (Yay life?)
And when I would forget to write in it a day or two, my slightly obsessive self would go back and fill in what I think I was grateful for three days ago… just to keep it consistent, ya know? (Btw, I try not to call myself OCD after that GIRLS episode - it ain’t no joke.)
Yup, it was like that and even though I believed I was doing all I could to practice gratitude, I was missing the core of it.
The main problem was that my head was doing most of the journaling.
Sure, once I started to write it sparked feelings and flutters and silent thank YOU’s, but my approach left my heart on the sideline for the most part.
It was a good start but now I’ve sunken into a deeper understanding of gratitude, maybe one that I won't completely be able to communicate just yet but one that I feel pulled to express to you.
Gratitude isn’t something that you can think your way into or even put into words sometimes.
What I have come to understand is that gratitude is allowing yourself to feel life with a knowingness that you are love so that all is well no matter what it looks like (pause and let that sink in).
It is a formless energy that brings you awareness of the gifts that are right in front of you at all times. When we are fully loving, without the walls, we are being grateful. Gratitude is being awe-struck by life. It’s being truly happy that you exist.
The trust that you are Always - that you have no end.
When we simultaneously feel a deep inner “thaaaaank you” and “you’re so so welcome”, we are at the peak of gratitude, knowing that all we receive is what we can give and all we give is what we can receive.
This is the stuff of miracles. This is where divine magic happens. Let’s live life in the beautiful energy that is gratitude. Let gratitude be how we perceive life.
May these words skip their trip to your brain and go straight to your heart…
***The fine print here is that you have to feel it in the present moment because, unlike the brain, that’s the only place your heart can be. When I was journaling I was trying to tap into the feeling after the fact through my brain but it is much more effective and efficient to let your heart feel it while it is happening.
What it all comes down to is that
everything's gonna be fine fine fine.